Wednesday, 11 April 2007

Narcissus


As I've likely indicated a hundred times over, I like to think of myself as the Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue of comedy. It's a worthy designation.

But it's not without consequences.

I work out four time a week, jog and cycle. I have to eat, like 5000 calories a day just to feed my parasitic bulgy bits. Oh, and I'm often flooded with an existential fear that beneath my devastatingly handsome and toned exterior I'm totally empty inside, but you know, like whatever!

I did have a rare moment of self awareness this week, however. There's a new A+F store open in London, Savile Row, and they employ buffed-up young men to greet customers. I've found myself actually considering applying.

Is that nuts? Do I have such an insanely high opinion of myself? Am I consumed by vanity? Or am I so insecure that I need validation of my Herb Ritts worthy self from some multinational corporation?

Am I dead inside?

Is my life like the Sixth Sense as written by Albert Camus for Men's Fitness magazine?

So many questions. Then I decided, well, fuck it, or rather, fuck that shit, and went back to looking at my reflection in ponds (Greek mythology, look it up) and reading articles about how Gerry Butler and the 300 spartans worked out. Now those guys are SHALLOW.

Besides...

My people are supposed to protest that shit: Article from The Independent
(About halfway through, about the Two Wongs Make It White t-shirt debacle).

****

In the ongoing 'Don't Sell Your Kidnap Stories To Newspapers, Dumbasses!' crisis of the freed sailors, this came up today.

"Mr Batchelor comes in for particular contempt because he told the Daily Mirror of his misery at losing his iPod, which he says was stolen by the Iranians." (Guardian, Audrey Gillan, 11/04/07)

You couldn't make this shit up, could you? Apparently the worst part was when the Iranians said he looked like Mr Bean. I suppose we'll be seeing the film of this harrowing true story quite soon:

Not Without My iPod
starring James McAvoy.

That punch-line was pretty cheesy. Even I feel a bit dirty.

2 comments:

Jo said...

There. Your very first comment to reassure your insecure little blogger's heart.
A&F, huh? As someone whose worked retail, it sucks the living soul out of you. There again, so does comedy, so who am I to say?
Anyhow, enjoyed your posts! Bless your narcissistic little socks!

~Joanne

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Hello dude, glad to see you is back blogging and making people laugh.

I hope to make one of your gigs to steal gags and doing a stand-up run at Edinburgh this year and then off on a tour so be nice to hook up and exchange ideas.

Good luck.

DHG

xxxx