Wednesday, 30 April 2008

Back to Blogging, Boooo Boris

That's a fair amount of Bs in that title.

I've decided to relaunch this to get writing more, though no more stupid deadlines or Jon Ronson impersonations - if there's anyone I'm going to impersonate surely it should be Thomas Pynchon (works at home, likes postmodernism). Also, as a brief admin thing - I noticed a comment about gigs - I will try to update my sidebar more frequently from now on, but it's a huge pain in the neck, so my current list is always available on

But indeed, I have two bugbears this week. One, is obviously this man:

Who we all know may become Mayor of sodding London this Thursday. Millions may well wake up Friday morning and see that this douche rules the city, subsequently spending the remainder of our lives clawing at the bathroom mirror desperately trying to get back through it.

It's ridiculous to thing to that Boris Johnson might be mayor, isn't it? I mean, I know he's "A LEGERRRNNNND!!!!11" and all (thanks Charlie Brooker for the lolspk usage), and yes, "it'd be a bit of a larf," but please, if you're going to vote for Boris as a joke, just don't... Some jokes are funny, but other jokes are offensive to minorities. Boris Johnson is basically like Teddy Ruxpin if he'd become real and starting hurling racist abuse at black children.

And what is the alternative? This man, who's basically like Zippy from Rainbow but with a more felt-like skin: And those are our choices. Mayor Ken, or a giggling Swedish circus clown.

London is doomed.

Just so you know, people of London, it's ok for you to "have a bit of a larf" with your mayoral candidates, but for us foreigners, who look at London with an objective eye, "comedy" politicians is not a good thing. The Mayor doesn't need to be "a larf," he just needs to be able to run a city. I feel it's a fairly pragmatic job, there's no wars to start or end etc... You just have to be qualified to do it, not gabble on about the shape of the buses all the time. So, on the chance that Boris gets elected, and it goes spectacularly wrong, i.e., it turns out he doesn't even know how to read or something, well, yeah, it'll probably be "a bit of a larf," but we'll have to keep saying to the rest of the world "I guess you had to be there."

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